Wednesday 2nd February 2011 (Premier League)
Fulham 1 (Duff) Newcastle United 0
A game of two halves for me tonight! When I signed in before the game tonight, it was a case of Shock! Horror! My fears after being assigned to the Undercroft Exit on Sunday were realised.
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© Stephen Taylor
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A game of two halves for me tonight! When I signed in before the game tonight, it was a case of Shock! Horror! My fears after being assigned to the Undercroft Exit on Sunday were realised.
It seems that all stewards had been allocated fixed positions on match days, based on the random selections made on Sunday afternoon, which means that I face the "Hell" of being a glorified toilet attendant with no chance of seeing any football for the rest of the season.
Of course, that's not going to happen as I'd rather quit than be consigned to this Room 101, though my protestations to one of my supervisors, before the game fell on deaf ears.
Of course, that's not going to happen as I'd rather quit than be consigned to this Room 101, though my protestations to one of my supervisors, before the game fell on deaf ears.
As I took my place underneath the stand, all I could think about was how I was going to word my letter of complaint, though the friendly Newcastle fans were making life in the underworld a little easier to stomach. Another supporter had come all the way from Canada and told me about waking up early in the morning to watch Premier League games every weekend. For no other reason than that, I hoped that he would see a decent game--even if I was not going to be able to!
With nothing much to do, I noticed that the "Exit" sign I was stewarding was not actually an exit but an emergency exit, though, not surprisingly, more than a few fans thought it was an actual exit.
Also, the disabled toilet was locked, with instructions given that we had to go to the first aid room and get the key if anyone needed to use the disabled facilities. One guy claimed that he'd left his disabled sticker in the car, though he didn't look too disabled to me. Nevertheless, I got the key, locked up and returned the key. When I saw a couple with a baby, I got the key again and wondered why I was having trouble getting in the disabled toilet when, much to my surprise, a man on crutches opened the door and, quite rightly, gave me a bit of abuse. Clearly, I hadn't locked the door properly! Not to worry, though I made certain to lock it securely that time.
As I was facing up to the prospect of spending another 45 minutes in the undercroft, there was a change of fortune. Because of some problem, they needed someone in vomitory P2, so I was sent there for the second half.
Talk about a game of two halves! It was great to be back in a vomitory after a game and a half in the undercroft and two games at pitch side. I arrived just in time to see a rendition of "Everybody Needs Somebody" by Jake and Elroy from "The All-New Original Tribute to The Blues Brothers," that will open at the New Wimbledon Theatre on 22nd February. They even got Billy the Badger moving on the touchline, though I'm not quite sure about the Moonwalk he was attempting in his big boots.
As I was positioned in the "sensible" end of the Putney End, most fans remained seated, so the rest of the game went off without incident, except for Damian Duff's winning goal on 67 minutes, which I was even able to see, which was probably the only goal I've seen at Craven Cottage since Peterborough's couple in the F.A. Cup Third Round.
Next time, Chelsea are the visitors so I'm hoping for another vomitory position, so I can get a good view of Fernando Torres for the first time ever, sadly in a Chelsea shirt rather than the red of Liverpool.
As we were sweeping the stand after the game, I found a great banner that had been left behind by an away fan, which just about summed up the Geordie fans' feelings about the departure of Andy Carroll to Liverpool for £35 million a couple of days before. It simply said, "Blame Torres."
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